Maybe “Not Good Enough” Is Actually Good Enough?

If you’ve been to therapy, if you’ve studied spirituality, if you’ve done any form of self-improvement, you’ve probably run into the “not good enough” problem.

Echkart Tolle says, “No ego can last for long without the need for more.”

The ego thrives off our personal feelings of lack:

·      I don’t have enough.

·      I haven’t done enough.

·      I am not enough.

And since the ego is the enemy (right?), I’ve been engaged in mortal combat with this deep feeling of not being enough for years.

In therapy and coaching, I’ve looked at where it may have come from—was it my Catholic school education? Was it the kids who teased me in sixth grade? Was it media? culture? Was I born with it?

And all this investigation has been aimed at getting to the roots of this “not good enough-ness” so I could have something to grab hold of and rip out—even dig up the earth around it so it would never, ever grow back.

But lately, I’ve been learning a softer, gentler approach. And during a recent meditation, I had an ah-ha moment:

The essence of all the great spiritual teachings is acceptance.

Now, I used to scoff at the idea that we should “turn the other cheek.” Like, should we just accept injustice in the world? Accept heartlessness and the pain it creates?

But perhaps all the varied traditions of teaching about acceptance aren’t necessarily passive. After all, there’s a wisdom in knowing that, as Carl Jung said,

 What we resist persists.

What we fight, we only make stronger.

I’ve come to accept my health challenges and then watch them dissipate.

I’ve come to accept my mistakes and then watch myself make better choices.

I’ve come to accept my career disappointments and then watch as new opportunities emerge.

So, why not accept this feeling of “I’m not good enough”? What if, instead of fighting it, I embraced and loved and nurtured it?

Yup, that sounds crazy.

But I was in a state of real presence when this crazy thought came to me. So, I decided to go with it. I did a three-page free-write, and I uncovered some truths.

It turns out that my feelings of not good enough have served me quite well in the past. I’ve certainly written prolifically driven by the idea that… if I just write enough, I’ll be enough.

I’ve created a ton of content in pursuit of that illusory land of “good enough.” And while not all (or most) of that content has gone on to “succeed,” I have definitely enjoyed it.

I have put creative energy out into the world. I have been present with my world, my keyboard, and my audience while I’ve written it. Perhaps that could be enough.

I feel like I’m not good enough.

I’m aware of that.

I accept that.

And for today, I’ll sit with that for as long as I need to until I’m aware of something new.

Writing prompt

What have you been fighting against in your life that might be free to transform if you stopped fighting and accepted it instead?